


Alone My Heart Cries

by EphemeralGlimpse



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, College/University Life, Drama, Eventual Romance, Japanese Culture, M/M, Recovery, Redemption, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-08 05:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7744762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EphemeralGlimpse/pseuds/EphemeralGlimpse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hideyuki had always looked up to his childhood friend Tatsuya, who was everything he would never be. He was the one who encouraged him to develop his artistic abilities, however his childhood dreams were shattered after an incident that had left him hospitalized and scarred. It is now ten years later and no one is left besides him, that is until the man who'd caused everything to spiral down comes back and offers him his salvation.</p><p> “Nothing you do would make it better, so just…don’t”.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Japanese names are usually written/stated with their last names first, but for the story their first names would be written/said first when stating their full name. However, everything would still be the same as to how they will speak their names to each other, e.g. a Japanese man wouldn't call someone he just met with their first name (especially if they were older), and will call him by their last name first, plus with proper honorific. Also the Japanese honorifics such as -san, -sama, -kun, etc. are omitted and will be replaced with their western counterpart in the story for consistency. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Characters:**

* * *

  **Hideyuki Sakamoto** _–Age 18_

Main character. His introspective and guarded nature was bred from his troubled and bullied childhood; mainly caused by Shigeru's harassment, eventually escalating to an accident that had left a deep psychological and literal scar on him. He is now a first-year college student majoring in art. He is inextricably tied to his personal sketchbooks and never lets anyone peek into its contents.

 **Tatsuya Moriya** _–Age 21_

Hideyuki's old childhood friend. The two were close playmates, and through their friendship Hideyuki met his older brother: Shigeru. He tends to follow trends and is generally well liked due to his cheerful and compassionate personality. He viewed Hideyuki as a younger brother of sorts. After the incident, Tatsuya and Hideyuki's friendship began to crumble, and so for the past years the two has had a strained relationship. He and Hideyuki are attending the same college at the beginning of the story.

 **Shigeru Moriya** _–Age 25_

Tatsuya's elder brother, and the root cause of Hideyuki's troubled self-consciousness. From elementary school up to his high school years he was infamously known as a ruthless bully, often picking on those weaker than him. He especially picked on Hideyuki who was the most defiant, and eventually caused an incident. Shortly after, he moved away. As a result of his actions he got into trouble a lot and barely graduated from high school. Years later, his hard work paid off and he became a refined businessman. Shigeru deeply regrets his past and is now trying to make amends by going out of his way and helping those around him. He unexpectedly meets Hideyuki again at Tatsuya's college graduation.

 

* * *

  ** _1_ **

* * *

_I'm not afraid…_

_This brush gives me power_

Blue, focused eyes pierced the model before him, tracing every contour of its limbs, and every fold and wrinkle of the white blanket wrapped around it.

_Red…_

_Blood_

Delicate, pale fingers gripped around the paint brush tightly, with a deliberate harsh movement the tip of the brush splattered against the canvas: the color of blood dripping upon its subject.

_"Hide_

_Hideyuki_

Hideyuki!"

His trance lifted, the awakened artist, so named Hideyuki, placed his brush down, his fingers curled around in a tight fist in his lap.

"This assignment is simple: we are to draw the model, and only the model. While I am open to all interpretations and forms of art, I expect you to follow what is instructed of you.

_Art requires discipline..."_

Blue eyes, quivering, gazed fearfully at the color of blood splattered against the white canvas.

"Are you listening to me Hideyuki?"

The art professor, in the middle of his explanation, did not fail to notice the art student's change in expression.

" _Y-Yes"_ Hideyuki whispered, mustering a breath of calmness.

Delicate, pale fingers resolutely gripped the edges of the unfinished canvas.

_I…_

A moment later a collective gasp was heard, resounding around the otherwise peaceful art room.

  A canvas could be seen,

    Flying into the open air,

     Succumbing to the pull of gravity,

      And falling into its demise three floors down.

_I'm not afraid_

He could feel his heart thumping lively, like the flapping of a young, baby bird's wings.

He could feel it _cry out._

* * *

**_2_ **

* * *

Hideyuki stepped outside the art classroom, and releasing his breath, leaned back against the door. His grip was tight around his satchel; instinctively, the feel of the leather strap calms him down.

He was assigned another project, on top of redoing the painting that was now lying on some trash. It was to be expected. A loner such as himself, who'd have thought? His art professor lamented the fact that he would cause such a ruckus, despite his talents.

_You're wasting you're potential._

College did not differ to high school in that regard.

Lies, rumors, and judgement. It was the same mentality. Deviate from what is thought of you and you're the odd one out.

He was truly alone here; his only comfort: art. Art truly expresses one's individuality and personality like no other.

Hideyuki began running to a hidden spot that he'd claim as his, seeking solace. There, he could be alone and slip into his own dimension, where his own art bloomed.

Due to renovations, construction was a common sight in Kyoto Seika University. It was because of this fortunate circumstance that Hideyuki found the perfect spot for him to observe and draw: on the roof of an old library. The library was in danger of being destroyed under the new construction, but since it would cost extra money to bulldoze and remove, the school board decided against it and elected it to forever be hidden under the veil of the tall oak trees.

The place almost called to him when he found it.

Hideyuki gets up there by a ladder left behind by the workers, and fighting a small struggle with the ledge, is able to have access to silence and vista. He was there often enough that he left behind tools such as paint and pencils as backup to his artistic endeavors. An old mat he salvaged was also there where he placed it, right by the shade of a tall oak tree. In that precise spot is where he connects to his very depths and be able to express it.

From his vantage point he could make out the faces that makes up Seika. Today in particular was a busy day since graduations were underway for the senior members. A face in particular immediately caught his attention.

It was not that the face was particularly gorgeous or unique—it was the man's expression and cadence that drew Hideyuki in, like uncovering a memory. He quickly withdrew his moleskin sketchbook from his satchel, fingers gripped on the smooth wooden pencil in hand. He sketched out the basic profile of the man's structure: tall and athletic. The man looked the part of an average office worker, donning a clean, simple grey suit which did not betray his form, and rather sharpened his masculine appeal.

Hideyuki's blue eyes flitted back in forth to his paper and to his subject, his pencil dancing against the surface. His fervor and focus were one with each other, as if he was desperately trying to grab onto the very essence of the man, capturing it in his sketchbook.

This happened in a mere span of three minutes, of which then his chance was closed as the man turned around and headed towards the direction of West Park, the place where graduations were taking place.

Hideyuki ripped the paper from his sketchbook, and held it close to the sun. His eyes squinted against the brightness, but he continued to longingly gaze at the sketch in front of him.

Loosely hanging in between the tips of his fingers the paper swayed in the breeze, underestimating the strength of the current, the paper slipped from his grasp and was carried up away. Hideyuki, astonished, stood up quickly to try and retrieve it back. Anxiety filled him as it flew beyond his reach. Quickly descending down the ladder, Hideyuki ran past the library to try and follow the elusive sketch.

_I can't! I won't let it go!_

His breath grew tense as he followed the paper's lead. He rushed in through the crowd of students and visitors, eventually noticing that the paper was descending down as he'd hoped.

_Just a little closer!_

Hideyuki bumped against a passing man, apologizing hastily as his sketch finally hit—

" _Oh"_

_Him_

The very man portrayed in his sketch, held it in his hands as it fell from the sky on top of him, as if it knew its source of inspiration. The bright afternoon sun glittered in the backdrop, and he squinted as he gazed at the sketch being held by him.

Hideyuki's heart raced as he stopped but a couple of feet from the man, not knowing how to approach him or the topic at hand. Frankly he was stunned at this turn of events.

The man looked at the paper, then to Hideyuki. Hideyuki flinched, and held his hands tightly on a fist.

_No one is supposed to look…_

"Is this yours?" The man asked.

He held the same aura Hideyuki detected from above the old library, except up close it was magnified tenfold. His lips trembled as he tried to answer him.

" _It's mine"_

His voice came hoarse to his ears, and the man stepped closer, so did Hideyuki. He swiftly grabbed his sketch from the man.

" _I'm sorry, this wasn't meant to happen."_

He took a step past the man and hastened his steps.

"Hey! Wait!"

Hideyuki heard the man call after him but he didn't slow down in the least.

_No one is supposed to look!_

He didn't look back as he continued to run away from him. He feared his reaction. He feared them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading! So this story is set in modern day Kyoto, Japan. Kyoto Seika University is also a real university, although I'm going to be creative with its locale. This story is going to slowly build onto the romance, and will focus mostly on the characters' interrelationship. I'll be updating the next few parts every three days or so.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a quick update!

* * *

**_3_ **

* * *

Shigeru couldn't wrap his head around the frantic artist.

_Why did he look so hurt?_

The drawing looked perfectly fine, and yet when he met his eyes it looked as if he committed a sin. As if he shouldn't have looked at it.

_I didn't do anything wrong, did I?_

The young man ran past him, quick enough that all Shigeru saw was a bewildering blur of black and grey—the color of his clothes.

Shigeru couldn't leave things like that, and so he run after the mysterious artist. It suddenly dawned on him how familiar he looked, and the sketch…

_It couldn't be…_

A memory he'd long struggled with came back to him in full blast, flooding his senses, and causing him to run all the faster for him.

Coming back here he knew he had to face him sooner or later: the boy he'd damaged all those years ago. Even now it hurts to think like that. It couldn't possibly be this young man; he refused to believe it for his own sake.

Shigeru having the advantage of being physically fit, caught up to the anxious artist in a matter of minutes, nonetheless his breathing was heavy as nervousness and confusion ate at him.

"Please leave me a-alone" The artist gasped, panting for air.

Shigeru had caught him by the crook of his elbow. He looked around to see that many passerby were giving them curious stares.

"Look, ah I'm not trying to scare you. It's just that…"

 _What, exactly?_ He found himself asking.

He slowly let go of his grip on the young man's arm, doing so casted less doubts on his intentions.

"I wanted to know if you're alright. You seemed scared back there."

Shigeru straightened himself out, making sure to ease a friendly smile on his sharp visage as he looked straight at the eyes of the artist.

_An intense blue…_

"Your drawing is good"

He watched as the expression of the artist thawed to a vibrant shade of red. He found it endearing, and immediately the mysterious artist seemed infinitely more reachable.

" _Y-You don't understand…"_

Shigeru realized that he'd been drawn to his eyes, and when those crystal blue irises lost contact with his he felt a sudden feeling of loss. He also felt he needed to address his true motivation before he lost his chance.

"You see, _you remind me of someone I knew back then…_ Ah, but where are my manners! I'm Shigeru Moriya, nice to meet you."

Shigeru held out his hand, offering to be formally acquainted with each other. He felt that he was drawn to him either way; that this moment was not mere chance, and here he was to confirm that. But the artist did not take his hand, and instead his striking blue eyes pierced him harshly, his expression having transformed into that of hatred, becoming distorted that was ill fitting to his pale, soft features.

_What causes a man to wear such an expression?_

" **It's your fault! Everything is!"**

His scream rippled through their surroundings, disturbing the normal rhythm of the vicinity. Murmurs of suspicion echoed back.

"Oi!" Shigeru couldn't keep his temper from rising. Being confused is one thing, but throwing accusations out of the blue is out of the question. However something about the artist's intensity showed true understanding and feeling he couldn't quite shake off.

Shigeru reached out and touched the young man's trembling shoulder before he could think. He didn't think, he merely reacted at the sight of his weakness.

" _Let me go!"_ The artist responded violently to their contact, facing his head away from him and in doing so parted his bangs aside for a fraction of a second from what was hidden underneath… He realized it too late.

_No… It can't be!_

Shigeru's eyes fixated upon the lump of distorted and darkened flesh, struck diagonally across his otherwise pure, unblemished skin. The sight of it rendered him motionless, his meaningless words caught on his throat.

His _sin._

" **NOOO!"**

The artist covered up his forehead with pitiable desperation as he crouched down on the ground in utter misery.

Shigeru stood silent, not knowing what to do, not knowing what the right thing to do _at this moment._

He thought he could finally face the day when he could meet his past eye to eye, but he realized he was just running away from it all along.

**_Today he had met his sin._ **

* * *

**_4_ **

* * *

Hideyuki remembered that moment—when he felt his life slipped away, when everything changed.

...

..

.

" _Give me your sketchbook!"_

" _You're drawings suck!"_

" _I said give it to me!"_

_***SMACK*** _

" _No! I won't give it to you!_

_This is my mom's!"_

_***splatter*** _

_The small boy's vision was shaky and red. Blood dripped from his face._

_The bigger boy looked at the smaller boy, exasperated and angered by his determination. He'd already beaten him up like he usually did, and still he won't budge even as he bled. No one had ever fought back to him like this, and he'll make him regret it. The bigger boy bent down to pick up a hefty piece of rock, throwing it and catching it in his dirtied palms with practiced ease. He smirked as the helpless boy looked up to him fearfully, eyeing the rock, and yet he clung onto that stupid sketchbook firmly._

" _You just don't know when to quit, and that's why it's fun to pick on you!"_

_The bigger boy readied his throw by positioning his arm back to build greater momentum..._

_The small boy flinched as every last ounce of courage left him, leaving him with a growing sense of inescapable dread._

" _Help me…Tatsu—!"_

Hideyuki remembered the pain most of all, the impact of the rock on his small skull…the pull of gravity as he descended down a cliff. What happened afterwards slipped past his memories: clouded and intangible.

From what his father told him, Tatsuya was beside him almost all day and night for the whole week he had been unconscious in the hospital. Nobody mentioned that it had been Shigeru who'd caused the accident.

" _Everyone in my class wishes you'd get better soon. Look, everyone made you these cards the other day. Did you look at them?" Tatsuya beamed cheerfully at him, which made his heart throb._

_That's the effect Tatsuya had to most people. Hideyuki thought it was a gift—a power that Tatsuya wielded—and one that he'd envied._

" _No, I haven't…" He looked wistfully at Tatsuya, then his gaze fell from him. Tatsuya's smile wore off, replaced with a small frown of concern._

" _Are you sure you feel alright? Would you like a snack or water?" Tatsuya stood up hastily, eager to reassure Hideyuki's every need, however frail fingers stopped him in his tracks._

" _The doctor said I can't leave the hospital in a while, and that they can't say when I can get out…" Hideyuki's deep blue eyes grew pale, seemingly losing its color, as drops of tears formed in its soft edges._

" _Tatsuya I'm scared… Please don't leave!"_

_Tatsuya looked back to Hideyuki, and for a brief moment Hideyuki detected sadness and pity within Tatsuya's bright hazel eyes. He never looked at him like that, not before, even when his mother died. He gasped in surprise when he realized Tatsuya had pulled him into a tight embrace, and he was close enough to him that he felt the even pace of his heartbeat. Tatsuya was warm and smelled of summer. Hideyuki buried his face deeper into his comforting scent, fighting off the swell of tears in vain._

" _I'm sorry Hideyuki… I wasn't there to protect you from him. I couldn't keep our promise."_

_Hideyuki felt Tatsuya's body tremble, his words breaking into a sob, and eventually he felt Tatsuya's tears dripping onto his bandaged forehead._

" _Forgive me"_

He knew then that Tatsuya had carried his brother's guilt onto himself. He took up his cross silently.

From then on Tatsuya stopped coming to the hospital, and no matter how much Hideyuki begged or tried to contact him he was met with cold nothingness; Tatsuya's warmth ceased to exist beside him.

Six months later, a letter from Tatsuya was delivered to him, notifying him that Shigeru would be moving away. Hideyuki didn't know what to feel at the sudden news. He felt empty and weak.

Naturally he'd turned to his art all this time. He did nothing but read books on art and its various mediums and forms, as well as honing his own skills on each. Yet his mind was still filled with his pain, and his heart longed to be elsewhere—out there besides Tatsuya like he used to. His art was a mere channel in which he could express all his emotions.

A year later after the incident, Hideyuki was finally discharged, and nothing was the same. No celebrations, no smiles. Tatsuya greeted him occasionally, but it felt more like an obligation. Although Tatsuya was older than him and had friends his age, he always found time to hang out with Hideyuki, but that was no longer the case. Hideyuki watched him laugh and chat naturally with his friends, from a distance. A year ago he would have been with them, smiling next to Tatsuya.

He touched the bandaged scar on his forehead gently, and felt a strong sting of pain, such that tears began to come out of his eyes. The tears flowed nonstop as all his frustrations and hurt intensified. It reached a point that Hideyuki began to feel numb from it all, growing ever so colder, and carving a black hole inside him that consumed him of his energy and emotions. As the pain went on, he ended up spiraling downward into that metaphysical void, but not quite crossing the point of no return. He was naturally stubborn to a fault, and he held a small glowing fragment of hope within him. Still gazing from a far, Hideyuki looked up to see Tatsuya, their eyes connecting for a second. He called to him, _yearned_ for him without uttering a single sound… Tatsuya looked at him in that precise second, their eyes meeting as if he specifically tuned into and heard Hideyuki's plea; he hesitated for the briefest of moments, a look of obvious mental conflict waging inside him, a minute had passed… Time seemed to slow down as Tatsuya turned on his back and moved on with his friends… Leaving Hideyuki behind.

That incident had been the turning point of his life, because nothing had been the same after it. The passage of time did little to heal his wounds, and yet Hideyuki trudged slowly to recovery, holding onto his fragment of hope that was fast extinguishing. He thought he could move on from his past after all these years, to be able to distance himself from that fateful moment, and someday forget its tragedy. He has had little luck in doing so.

But never did it ever cross his mind that instead of forgetting, he would come to face him again: the boy that started his downfall, but only this time he'd become someone else entirely:

**_A changed man that was offering him salvation._ **


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

_**5** _

* * *

He must have passed out, because when he opened his eyes he was in an unfamiliar room: intensely bright and cool with the fragrance of fresh air. He felt so calm and peaceful, realizing that he was lying down in bed, and for once his mind did not try to sink into any other thoughts.

" _Oh, so he's finally awake."_

" _Is he? Thank goodness…"_

He heard a woman and a man's voice, all unfamiliar and distant to him.

" _Don't worry sir, he'll be fine. We have his medical records on file, he was just stressed and needed some rest. I think you still have some time to catch up to the graduations if you hurry."_

" _No that would be alright. He's more important."_

He heard the clanking of shoes against the tile floors, going nearer to him, and in his peripheral vision he caught the moving figure: tall and grey. His pulse began to race faster, as it all came back to him. His first thought was to escape, but his body—too tired to move—did not comply.

_Why is he still here?!_

Sweat dripped from his neck, until finally the man was standing right beside the bed. Hideyuki turned his face to the opposite direction, not wanting to see him. His eyes widened in surprise as he felt warm hands gently pat his head.

" _Look, I'm truly glad that you're alright."_

Hideyuki heard him pause, a slight cough escaping his throat. He could feel the tension that was beginning to envelop around them, and still he did not let go of his touch on top of his head. Hideyuki felt confused, he couldn't muster to feel angry anymore since his body simply did not have enough strength, yet in spite of it all he didn't feel lost at his touch, rather it…

_Felt kind, big, and warm._

His body slightly trembled at these foreign sensations that this man was giving to him, and his mind fought to reject it without much leverage.

"You don't have to forgive me, hell, hate me all you want because I deserve every single bit of it, and I'll take it all as much as you want… I-I just want you to be alright, and I—"

The man's words were filled with sorrow, his deep voice humbling. It was all too much for him to take as the surge of emotions threatened to drown him in an overwhelming tide.

" _P-Please leave"_

Hideyuki's small and fragile voice rang hollowly within Shigeru, who immediately withdrew his hand. The broken contact was met with a silent cry for validation.

_Why?_

_Why am I so confused?_

_I'm supposed to hate you!_

_Then… Why is it?_

When his hand left his head... Hideyuki felt a profound sense of _loneliness_ , of _loss_ —one he hadn't felt since Tatsuya had abandoned him in the hospital. This all too familiar feeling of longing seeped through his confusion as he deemed himself:

_Pathetic_

"I'm pathetic"

Within his midst of self-defeating reverie, he heard the man's voice echo his very thoughts, interrupting it effectively. Hideyuki turned his head to look at him, his eyes wide. It was like looking at a mirror. He watched as his fists curled tightly besides him, his face downcast and wrapped with a shadow that hid nothing.

This man is suffering. His stature, his expression that drew him in atop that old library, told a story of a man crippled with guilt—every line and contour, whilst firm and rough, conveyed a deeply embedded vulnerability that was easy to miss, and yet within close inspection: his every motion radiated the burden he carried in himself. However his resolution was anything but vulnerable.

"I'll do whatever it takes".

Finally, as the clock's hands ticked rhythmically, the man lifted his eyes from the floor, looking straight at Hideyuki with growing determination. A gust of cool, spring breeze rushed past them through the open window, fluttering the white transparent curtains, and blowing away the last of the man's doubts.

Something tugged at Hideyuki's heart, as his heartbeat sped faster. He clutched tenderly at his chest which contained his pounding heart, in hope that it could quell its uneasiness.

_If only things could be simple in this world_

_If only_

He has grown to understand the fact that the world is not simple. Things do not happen spontaneously; all has a cause and its effect. One cannot simply erase the effect. To put it simply: _what is done is done_. His scar was proof of that; he had paid the price.

"Nothing you do would make it better, so just…don't".

"But please give—"

Hideyuki closed his eyes, he suddenly felt the ache and weariness in his bones. His body felt so, so _tired_. He had reached his limit, and he did not want to cross further beyond that, not that he could. Knowing exactly when to step in, the nurse came back with Hideyuki's prescribed medications, settling in the tray of pills and a glass of water on the bedside table.

"Sir, I suggest that you leave the patient to us. He needs some peace and quiet."

The man stood unresponsive as he watched the nurse tend to the boy who looked too frail, ingesting his medication with forced receptiveness. Hideyuki heard the man shuffle indecisively. He did not miss the slight hitch in his low, sonorous tone.

" _Of course, I'll leave him to your capable hands. Thank you."_

The man bowed courteously, and nobody noticed as a small drop of tear fell on top of the white tile floor.

* * *

_**6** _

* * *

He meant what he said in that room, to _him._ The boy—not quite so now—is still suffering, done by none other than his own unclean hands.

_I'll make it right somehow, just wait._

_I'll make it better._

_With these hands…_

Shigeru walked aimlessly across the vast courtyard of the university—his thoughts out of sync with his movements. Here and there were small groups of students scattered about the freshly cut lawn, chatting animatedly with one another, some were sprawled carelessly under the shade of the oak trees, laughing and soaking in the warmth of the sun. The temperature was a pleasant twenty-four degrees Celsius; puffy, white clouds swirled like swaths of cotton against the blue canvas of the sky, the sun golden and bright in the center.

Shigeru walked on, his gait speeding up. His breathing becoming rough as he suddenly realized that his feet are sprinting: dashing across the rusty red brick flooring. As he stepped foot inside West Park—the place where graduation took place—he could hear a cacophony of sounds: cheering, clapping, crying… His eyes hazy from his tears and the sun, were final able to focus on the mass of students before him, shrouded in the epitome of their success: dark, midnight blue graduation gowns, their heads topped neatly with square academic caps, and clutched proudly on their hands were a parchment of paper: rolled within were all four or more years of their hard work, blood, sweat, and tears. His chest rose up and down, and instinctively his fingers gripped at the loosened base of his neck tie, fixing it right back up properly. He evened out his breathing as best he could and wiped his face clean with a handkerchief.

Today was his younger brother's college graduation.

He moved down the third aisle towards the middle, keeping his steps soft as to not draw too much attention. Some student was on the podium, delivering a speech. He finally saw his empty, reserved seating and sat back down, eyeing the first row in which all graduating students were seated. Shigeru leaned back on the chair, feeling somewhat relieved. For all the things that had occurred today, at least he was here for his younger brother's graduation. It had only been an hour or so since he arrived in the college campus, expecting nothing but to give his support to Tatsuya's accomplishment. _Instead…_

" _Life is always about chance, and what you make of that chance. I was given a chance to be able to study in this prestigious school, and do something with my future. My first year here I was just a fresh-faced student who didn't know what to make of this chance that was given to me. Just ask my professors! I'm sure one or two of them will tell you about a young man who had no idea what he'll have for dinner, much less his future!"_

All around him people lightheartedly laughed at the student's self-deprecating comment, shaking him out of the depths of his own thoughts. Shigeru tried to smile to imbibe the mood, finally looking up to the center of the attention.

_No way…_

A flash of brotherly pride and acknowledgment was lit inside him as he barely recognized the young man standing on the podium, who was none other than Tatsuya.

_He's grown up now._

A natural smile formed in his lips then, but he couldn't suppress the feeling of guilt that always attaches to him whenever he thought of his cheerful and compassionate younger brother. He had failed as a responsible elder, but from what he saw within the audience, Tatsuya was able to grow into a resilient, capable man regardless. His worries weren't needed any longer, and all he prayed now was that eventually he could look at him without feeling the weight of disappointment in himself.

Their eyes met momentarily, and Tatsuya grinned brightly at Shigeru. He felt the warmth of home in his smile.

With accurate timing and subtlety, Tatsuya resumed his speech after the brief pause for the audience's laughter.

"Getting to where I am now has not been easy, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. If things such as our dreams and goals were easy, then we'll never be able to appreciate them, nor the effort that we've put to reach them. I've made many mistakes in my life, as we all have, and tough decisions that I thought were for the better. I'm still regretting some of them, but I continued to work hard on my goals. I must have done some things right, because here I am now, having accomplished my goal of graduating!"

A huge round of applause burst loudly across the entire open-air auditorium, while Tatsuya glistened with well-deserved pride. Shigeru clung to his brother's heartfelt words, gripping the slight crease in his neatly-ironed pants.

"As my parting words I want to say that each of us should cherish our _own, personal victories._ No matter if they're big or small. It's important, trust me. Thank you so much."

Tatsuya stepped off the podium and bowed deeply at the audience. Everyone stood up and applauded once again, this time for all the graduates in their momentous day. As Tatsuya descended down the stage, Shigeru took no time to approach him, eager to finally close the barrier of distance between them.

"I was afraid you weren't going to come."

Tatsuya's kind laughter resonated to Shigeru, melting his uneasiness easily. His facial muscle—taut with tension—released to a calm expression. The same Tatsuya remained in front of him, except this time he's gotten a lot taller, and wiser.

"Well, I tried not to miss it, since it's only your college graduation. I still can't believe you're an adult now!"

Shigeru held his strong arms wide, embracing Tatsuya tightly. He held him dearly, pride and joy emanating from his very pores. Tatsuya equally embraced him, seeping in his brother's presence into him. It was not an understatement to say that the brothers' reunion was a significant one, it has been over ten years after all.

"Hey, thanks for coming."

"Don't mention it."

They released their embrace, and at once Shigeru felt that he had earned an accomplishment in his bleak and aging life: a small grain of happiness embedded in a sea of regret.

"Besides, I got off work so there's that."

He had to put it in that joke, it was all he could do to not mention any signs of _him_ , because that's what had driven them apart in the first place. It is what is in the forefront of his consciousness no matter how much he delayed it each second.

 _Him_ , Tatsuya, and himself. Eleven years later. The distance between them shorter.

"Brother are you alright?"

Shigeru didn't notice as he blanked out of reality, and not until Tatsuya shook his shoulders lightly did he resurfaced again. His concern was a welcoming change, one that he didn't realize he took for granted when they still lived under the same house.

He grimaced, he shouldn't spoil the occasion. He will tell him, in the proper time and place.

"Yeah, don't worry about me. Today's your day, and we shall celebrate by having yakiniku—my treat!"

Shigeru switched gears and hurriedly ushered Tatsuya out of the busy crowds around them, each relishing and sharing together the high of the moment with the graduates.

" _Sounds good!"_ Tatsuya beamed, eyes closed and cheeks flushed with happiness.

It was then that he noticed the clear, pleasant weather above them. The sky was a crisp shade of blue, accented with the white cotton clouds, the sun radiating everything below them. It was a good day to be out, a perfect day to acknowledge the students' effort in paving their future. As both brothers headed out to the courtyard, Shigeru looked at what was in front of him: Tatsuya reflected the sun in his back, the silken sheen of his gown radiating so _brilliantly_ that it seemed his whole body was within a glow of sunlight.

Yes, even the sun was captivated with his younger brother.

Shigeru paused in step briefly, before falling behind his brother's shadow.


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

  _ **7**_

* * *

_I know why you look that, brother._

_I know because, when I'm alone I look the same as you._

The raw slice of beef sizzled atop the griddle, a wisp of smoke rising, along with the savory scent of smoked meat. His older brother Shigeru was expertly laying pieces to grill, adjusting the optimal temperature in the gas stove, and flipping both sides to cook evenly. His stomach rumbled in protest at the sight of the delicious, grilled meat.

It felt…like nothing had happened between them. The years that they had been apart becoming nonexistent, and they were back at home as adolescents, sharing dinner together. He wanted to fool himself and truly believe this.

" _I know you like your beef a little bit overcooked, give it another minute or two."_

Outwardly his brother had remained more or less the same, with noted exceptions. His usually thick, black hair which he kept wild and unkempt back in the days were now combed and were slicked back, he supposed with a heavy application of hair gel. His change of wearing a clean, sharp suit gave him the appearance of maturation and responsibility, a vast contrast from his _I-could-care-less_ appearance of bloodied and dirtied shirts unceremoniously earned from his bygone bullying. Tatsuya knew that it was not simply for looks, nor a mere front. One look or listen at his brother's intonation and expressions provided clear evidence to this. He would know, of course, because he had been the one beside his brother the longest. The only one who had ever understood and accepted him.

His plate gradually were filled with grilled meat and vegetables: slightly overcooked and with a heaping extra of shiitake mushrooms—just like he wanted it. He ate a piece of the shiitake mushroom and instantly felt bliss in his tongue. In the next hour the brothers ate contentedly: exchanging no words, and yet expressing their feelings through the movement of their chopsticks and the clinking of their glass; the act of eating together so sacred and so missed.

Having had their fill, the brothers tended to the rest of their alcohol, still basking at the glow of their reunion.

" _Look, Tatsuya…"_

He looked at his brother, who broke the silence and was squeezing the handle of his beer mug. His face was pinched in contemplation, as if he was struggling to let the words from his mouth flow freely. Tatsuya waited patiently for him. Whatever it was must have been the cause of his brother's pensive and somber mood. He had noticed as much the moment he first looked at his brother: lost in his own world amongst the cheering crowd. His brother did not look back at him, and instead he kept his gaze steady at the fizzing beer.

" _It's about—"_

"Yo Tatsuya!"

Shigeru was interrupted by another's man voice, and his lips pursed shut in response. Tatsuya looked to see who called out to him, and immediately recognized it to be Shinji: his friend and a fellow graduate. He could have spotted him in any crowd due to the fact that his friend always donned his trademark neon green headphones, which he said could glow in the dark. He found it fascinating how Shinji could carry a full conversation with him whilst having his music blasting away in his ears. Other than that his friend was a talented and budding new musician, who prefers to be in the background rather than the spotlight. He must've stopped by to get a round of drinks himself.

Shinji walked casually up to their table, and took notice of Shigeru who was downing his beer mug.

"Sorry, was I interrupting something?" Shinji looked apologetically at both men. The low thumping of the music in his ears filled the easy silence between them. Tatsuya recognized it to be a song from _UVERworld_.

"No, it's alright Shinji. This is my brother, who I've mentioned a few times before: Shigeru Moriya."

Shinji slid off his headphones, which now rested on his shoulders, and extended a hand towards Shigeru. The music automatically paused once the headphones were taken off.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Moriya. I'm Shinji Takizawa, Tatsuya's friend."

He noticed his brother's expression relax slightly, easing his grip on the beer mug, and looked up at Shinji with a faint smile. His brother took Shinji's hand and gave it a firm shake. Shinji was caught off-guard from Shigeru's natural strength, and his arm shook like a thin sakura branch from his shoulders.

"The feeling's mutual. All my thanks for taking care of my brother."

"A-Anytime! Actually, Tatsuya had been helping me a lot so I hoped to celebrate with him." Shinji was carefully rotating the joint connecting his shoulders and arms, and mumbled something weakly.

"Yeah of course, you're welcome to join us—that is if you don't mind brother."

Shigeru merely lifted his mug, and exclaimed:

"The more the merrier!"

Shinji smiled from ear to ear and slid in the seat next to Tatsuya.

"That's awesome! Thanks!"

With that, Shinji placed his headphones back on his ears, and the dulled vibrations of j-rock music resumed. His friend took no time ordering more alcohol for the entire party with an order of sashimi. With Shinji's presence the mood around them turned livelier, urged by the influence of alcohol. Naturally, talks of the graduation dominated the topic of conversation. Shinji praised Tatsuya's speech, and Tatsuya just shrugged his shoulders, stating that all he had to do was be painfully honest and frank. Shinji waved it off and said that it was painfully clear why Tatsuya graduated as one of the top students in their class. Meanwhile, his brother responded straightforwardly when the discussion was steered in his direction, but other than that his brother didn't speak any more than he had to. For the rest of their conversation, Shigeru alternated sips of water with his intake of alcohol.

"So Tatsuya, any plans on staying awhile on Seika, or do ya already have plans outta here?"

Shinji was already slurring his words as he rocked his head back and forth to the tempo of his music. Tatsuya paused at Shinji's question. He hadn't particularly thought of what occurs next right after his graduation. The past couple of months all he did was take freelance work to build his résumé, atop the load of schoolwork he was assigned to do. He had been too busy to even think of leaving Seika, or even indulge on having plans post-graduation. Now that he finally held his degree in his hands, and with his schedule clearing up, he could spare a thought to answer Shinji's question. A question, he figured, he didn't really have much of an answer to for once.

"I'll probably hang back awhile in Seika, while trying to find a job somewhere."

Shinji just nodded at Tatsuya's response, if he was fully sober he would have commented on Tatsuya's distinct lack of direction in his plans.

"Well why don't you try being a teacher assistant at Seika? All the professors love you! Plus I've heard they need the help. Recently I've heard rumors of this crazy, prodigy freshman! I've heard one of the juniors whispering about him throwing his painting or something from the third floor art hall this morning! Plus somebody witnessed that he was screaming something in the middle of the courtyard too… _Crazy!_ "

Shinji swilled yet another cup of sake, and his cheeks burned red. On the other side of the table, Tatsuya saw his brother shift in his position, tapping his long fingers anxiously against the cold, glass surface of his beer mug.

"Something the matter brother?"

Shigeru coughed, his cough sounded deep and hoarse as if the words he held back had been clumped in his throat all along.

"Nothing, it's just that Shinji's words sounds familiar, and also I think it's a good idea for you to be a teacher's assistant. In the meantime you can earn a salary while trying to find a job you want to pursue."

"I'll be thinking about it, but why did it sound familiar?" Tatsuya asked.

It was nice to hear his brother's input on his future, and later he will ask him for many more advices in life and glean from what his brother had learned while he was away. Right now however he was more interested in getting the answer to his question. Shigeru shifted some more under Tatsuya's inquiry. He didn't thought that it was a difficult question for his brother to answer.

"Well it's because… I was one of the people who saw the _freshman_ break down. In fact I ran into him while I was on my way to West Park."

Tatsuya could tell his brother simply gave him the truth, but why did he looked tense?

"Oh is that why you were late?"

"Yeah, I took him to the clinic. It looked like he was just stressed under college pressure—you'll know of course. I couldn't just _leave,_ I had to make sure he was okay…"

Shigeru stared deeply at some faraway point: beyond the restaurant, beyond Tatsuya. Tatsuya accepted his brother's answer and didn't seek to complicate it further.

"I see, then it's for the better that you took him to the clinic. Hopefully his conditions improve."

Shigeru was silent for a moment before taking the tokkuri flask from Shinji's hands, pouring himself some hot sake onto his empty cup. He finished off the entire cup in one gulp, before placing it back down. He reached for the tokkuri once again.

"Hey Mr. Moriya, you should probably slow down on the sake."

Shinji had enough of his consciousness with him to warn his brother of his alcohol intake, although he himself had started to feel dizzy, and were there quarter notes dancing on Shigeru's closely trimmed beard?

"You can call me Shigeru. A little bit of sake won't hurt me since I'm far from being drunk; 'sides you're the one who needs to watch your drinking."

Right after, Shinji's head suddenly collapsed on the table—the amount of alcohol flowing in his bloodstream was too much for the young man to take. Shigeru's words had hit bullseye.

"Is he okay?" Shigeru sat up straight on his seat, and shook Shinji's shoulders in concern.

"Oi Tatsuya, don't just sit there! Let's take your friend to the hospital! He might have alcohol poisoning. I saw it happen to one of the seniors at work."

Shigeru lightly tapped on Shinji's reddened cheeks, but his body remained slumped.

"You better be alright kid!"

Seeing his brother's worry over a man he had just met made Tatsuya finally understand the full breadth of his brother's transformation. Shigeru was no longer the boy who would puff up his chest and display his superiority in strength to those who he deemed weak. No… His brother has changed, for the better, and he couldn't be happier.

"Don't mind him brother, Shinji's just fine. Right, Shinji?"

The musician was finally able to nod his head after a few minutes, his face still lying face down on the table. He garbled out that he was okay for the most part and continued to mumble something about needing an aspirin, Shigeru's beard, and writing a song about it.

"Well I think this is a sign that we should all call it quits with alcohol for the day."

Shigeru stood up from their booth, and smoothed over his pressed coat. He took out his credit card and pulled out two-thousand yen from his pocket. He paid the bill and the tip, refusing outright that Tatsuya contribute even one yen. He insisted it was his celebration after all, and Shinji's as well.

"Do you know his address?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Good, wait here and I'll go call for a cab."

Tatsuya nodded, and ten minutes later the three of them were all situated on the back of a taxi car, one drunk Shinji in between the two brothers. They made sure to stop over Shinji's place first, and helped the semi-conscious man up his apartment. Shigeru unlocked the apartment with Shinji's keys and Tatsuya placed his friend on top of his bed, propping Shinji's back at an angle against the headboard.

"T-Thanks you guys, I had fun… _G'nigh…_ "

"Yeah buddy, make sure you don't throw up in your sleep, and take some vitamins and water later to combat your hangover."

Tatsuya watched as his friend shivered in his sleep, and closed the lights off.

Their next destination was Tatsuya's place, which was no longer than ten minutes away from Shinji's. His brother was silent and was looking outside the window during the drive, where many shop signs, headlamps, and car lights zoomed by in a bright hypnotic display. He wanted to say something to break the distance that was growing between them once again. He couldn't let his brother slip away, not now when they had just been together for a short time.

"I'm sure the freshman will be okay, you shouldn't worry too much."

He didn't know why he said what he did, only that it felt right. His brother turned to look at him: his eyes stretched opened fully, his maple brown irises quivering subtly, startled, as if he had caught him red-handed. He knew his brother wanted to tell him something, something that he had been keeping back this whole time.

"Brother, who was it?" Tatsuya enunciated each word more deliberately.

He heard Shigeru sigh, a sigh not of relief, but of grief.

"It was Hideyuki." His brother murmured.

"Who I have to save."

He held his hazel eyes unwaveringly to his brother's—looking thoroughly at its deep depths. He knew he could never fully dive to its bottom, doing so would mean that he could never look up to his brother any longer. That's how he had coped all this time. He pretended that his brother's sins were never truly there, no…that was wrong, he _knew_ they were there, but he couldn't let that taint his vision of his perfect, strong older brother. Especially, his biggest sin… No, _his_ sin.

 _He_ was the one to blame, knowing full well what his brother was capable of.

 _He_ was the one who drove him over the edge of that cliff, not his brother.

 _He_ who had no choice but to leave him behind, because _he_ had been a coward.

Tatsuya felt the urge to cry, but of course no tears fell. His had dried out long before. He closed his eyes, what he saw in his brother's eyes was what his must have looked like when he is alone, for alone his heart cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those that clicked and read through the story this far and finds it mildly entertaining: thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

  _ **8**_

* * *

Hideyuki couldn't concentrate at the task before him.

Lifting his paint brush had never been such an ordeal before, but now his mind was in such a state that he couldn't even stroke a single line across the blank canvas. The canvas stared back at him, waiting for him to make his mark.

_Empty_

"Hey, I don't mean to rush you or anything but it looks like you haven't moved a finger yet. I have another appointment scheduled in thirty-minutes."

The model remained in place as she said this to Hideyuki, who instantly became flustered. Right now they were doing a one-on-one session, which he rarely did. In fact he hated doing it this way, he preferred his models to be taken right where they were the most organic: that is when they were in the middle of a walk, purchasing tomatoes in the grocery store, or playing with their dog or talking with their friends. The model in front of him now was too stiff and lacking life, he could tell by the model's faint movements that she felt small and insignificant—most likely she was only doing this as an opportunity to earn some money. He was more interested on what she would be like the moment her muscles loosened, when she packs up her things and go wherever her next destination is. Maybe he could draw her then.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to waste your time. I'll end the session early, for the meantime you can  
rest."

Hideyuki took out one-thousand yen from his wallet and gave it to the model, who was drinking a bottle of water. She looked at it for a moment, but then took it graciously.

"It's not much, but it's for taking your time."

Hideyuki turned his back quickly to pack his tools, when the model spoke up:

"Thank you, you didn't have to…"

He didn't respond to her and instead looked back at her eyes kindly, before cleaning up his painting palette of unused pigments, and organizing the tools of his trade in a polished, cherry-wooden box. He then carefully placed the box inside his leather satchel, and stored the canvas and easel to their proper places in the classroom.

As he left the room shortly after, he contemplated that he would just have to tell Mr. Nomura honestly that he would be turning in his make-up project a little later this week. Of course, pushing the deadline will further increase Mr. Nomura's expectations of his painting's quality, given the man's exorbitant standard in art. Before, this wouldn't have been a concern for him, but lately art seemed to slip past his fingers like sand, which was supposed to be impossible…

Art was an unbreakable part of him.

It has been three days since graduation occurred for the senior members, which left Seika a little bit less bustling, a little bit more peaceful. The autumn season was in full swing: the oak trees were dyed a beautiful crisp orange with a golden-yellowish tint, the wind picked up faster with the scent of rain, and the air was chilly enough to make the students rub their shoulders for warmth. Hideyuki breathed it all in, and debated whether he should stop by the library or go straight to his secret spot. Just then, tiny drops of rain began to pour down from the looming, smoke-colored rain clouds, and he swiftly turned his direction towards the library.

The moment he got inside the library, a storm was brewing outside, with thick, fat raindrops pelting against the tall, rectangular glass windows, and the clouds above rumbling ominously as the first spark of lightning began to form. Hideyuki could only stare at the sight of nature's wrath—awestruck. He took out his phone, almost as an afterthought, and aligned the camera's lens…

A flash of lightning crackled against the dreary landscape, illuminating the clouds with streaks of hot, white light. He didn't miss the opportunity to capture it with his cellphone camera, as he pressed the camera icon in a split of a second. Hideyuki didn't even realize that his heart had been pounding faster.

It didn't matter where it was from or how it's made, art could be found anywhere. It could be from the simplest things and Hideyuki will find something in it, and appreciate it of its artistic value. Mr. Nomura called it his _extrasensory insight_. He thought it was just looking at things in a different way.

"Beautiful shot"

His body tensed up, and the phone which he held up to take a picture dropped to the hard ground, a heavy thud echoing in his ears and in the high walls of the library.

_Tatsuya!_

His palms began to sweat and his lips trembled to form words.

" _I'm sorry!"_

He quickly bent down to grab his phone from the floor, but he was slower than Tatsuya, who already had his fingers clutched around his phone. He drew back, as one would from a reflexive response. His fingers had been mere millimeters away from his… He would get burned if they touched.

Tatsuya was still lowered on the ground, one knee bending down, and his eyes downcast where he gripped the phone.

"No, it was my fault. I'm sorry."

It didn't look like he would move from that spot. Hideyuki had all but forgotten about the phone, which was still in Tatsuya's hands, and instead he looked down at him. The sounds of rain and thunder intensified to the point that it was palpable. The beating of his heart swayed with the storm.

" _Tatsu—"_

A bright streak of white light flashed from the corner of his eyes. He barely processed it as thunder so deafening seemingly shook the very foundation of the building, the sound struck side by side with the explosive light, crashing together in discordant union.

If the high walls of the library couldn't even suppress its shuddering, Hideyuki couldn't keep his own body aright. His skin tingled with goosebumps and his bones ringed inside him as if the lightning itself had went through him. His eyes were shut tight, and his hands were curled into pale fists, resting against a firm and heated chest. Arms, equally as heated, spread its warmth around his sides and back, and a gentle hand caressed his spine soothingly.

He was like a crumpled doll within the embrace of a loving owner.

Their contact indeed burned him, he felt like his body would be lit in fire, but it was never scorching. More so, he hadn't known that his body could feel this warm inside before.

_It's been so long…_

_But it doesn't make any sense…_

_Why are you giving me such warmth now?_

Lightning still lit haphazardly within the sky, with thunders rumbling short after. The heat around him dissipated as Tatsuya pulled back his arms slowly. Hideyuki tried to take a step back, only to have his rear end hit the floor. He didn't realize he had been bent down alongside Tatsuya, who had kept him from completely falling.

_Oh, I see, I was only in his arms because I had almost fell._

_Yeah…he would never do that just because…_

Hideyuki wished he could've melted into a puddle. Oblivious of the self-conscious teen, Tatsuya grasped his hand and picked him up from the floor. Tatsuya had been breaking down so many levels of his barriers in under a span of five-minutes. Those barriers had been carefully built by him over the span of ten-years, and they were crumbling so easily over the smallest touch.

"Are you alright?"

" _I-I think s-so… Could I p-please have my phone back?"_

"Not yet, I'll give you your phone back if you'd have a cup of coffee with me."

He said this so candidly, and in his tone was a hint of playfulness. Tatsuya smiled and held his phone in front of him, his face increasingly becoming crimson-colored.

" _H-Huh, but why?"_

Not in a million years did he thought that Tatsuya was going to just invite him for coffee. He thought…that those days were past. There was no longer anything between them that a simple cup of coffee can bring back. He tried to process it but there was nothing, and he was left utterly confused.

Tatsuya chuckled in response, and his ears felt hot—he was sure the tips matched the color of his face.

"Why you ask, perhaps I just want to have coffee with you. C'mon!"

Tatsuya's right hand clasped at his left hand, and Hideyuki found that his feet naturally followed him outside the library, out to the covered walkways where the rain dripped like a curtain in their path. His eyes stared hard at the concrete. His outstretched arm which Tatsuya kept close felt like a foreign object attaching them, dragging him, and even his own two feet felt like someone else's.

_Why do you do this to me?_

Salty water dripped onto his white vans, and his throat began to constrict, his chest shaking as sobs escaped his traitorous mouth.

Tatsuya stopped moving, and let go of his hand.

Hideyuki brought his hands to cover his face, his tears, his misery. He couldn't even start to imagine how much of a pitiable fool he must have looked like, and that alone made him sob and shiver even more.

He heard clothes rustling, and a jacket was wrapped around him. It enveloped him with a fresh scent of cologne that didn't tickle his noise, and the unmistakable hint of summer—amidst the cold, rainy autumn season.

"I forgot that you've always been pretty weak, and a crybaby."

"I-I wasn't a c-r-rybaby!" Hideyuki forcefully stuttered, letting off some steam in the process.

Realizing that he was indeed acting like one, he closed his mouth, and turned around, praying hard that Tatsuya will vanish behind him. He gripped tighter at the hem of the jacket around his shoulders.

"Hideyuki I didn't mean for you to cry. _Won't you look at me?"_

Tatsuya's voice sounded faint and soft—a tone that he only adopted for when he used to comfort Hideyuki whenever he got hurt playing, or when the usual troublemakers came and teased him spitefully.

" _Tatsuya! Waaah! Tatsuya!"_

_Six-year old Hideyuki's chubby legs waddled towards Tatsuya, who was exchanging some fart jokes with his friends in the same year. When one of the boys did a good impression of a fart with his armpit, Tatsuya and the rest immediately howled in laughter, their eyes twinkling with tears._

" _T-Tatsuya! Tatsuya!"_

_The sounds of high-pitched guffaws and wheezing from the older boys caused Hideyuki to feel even more upset and left out, and so he wailed even louder to drown them out._

" _Che, you're annoying! Leave us alone fatty!"_

_Hideyuki sniffled as he tried to stop the leaking of snot from his nose. He looked pleadingly at Tatsuya, who was now silent and looking away. The boy who called him a fatty stepped up to Tatsuya and pointed an indignant finger at him._

" _You know this fatty Tatsuya?"_

" _Don't call him that…" Tatsuya whispered, turning his face away from the boy._

" _Eh? But he is a fatty! He's like a squealing pig! Oink! Oink!"_

_The rest of the boys snickered at the leader's remark, some echoing the oink-oinks._

" _Yeah, I bet when he farts he sounds like this!"_

_The boy with the talent to produce fart sounds let out a loud and erupting horn-like sound from the depths of his armpits. Not a second later, all the boys except Tatsuya and Hideyuki were laughing so hard that some fell from the swings, clutching their guts as they depleted their breaths._

_Hideyuki, who was so nervous, had been standing in the corner when he peed his pants. His knees were buckling as he felt the warm liquid pool in the bottom of his overalls._

" _Let's go Hideyuki!"_

_Tatsuya grabbed his tiny, bulging arms and made a run inside the school building. Tatsuya's lean frame easily sped up, but for the chubby Hideyuki the pace was too much for his short legs to match. He was drawing his breaths in frantic, little gasps._

" _T-Tatsuya I-I p-pee-peed!"_

" _I know! We're going to the bathroom so you can clean yourself up."_

_When they slowed down the six-year old never felt so grateful in his life, and he leaned himself over the wall to catch his breath. Tatsuya looked at him and made a 'tsk' sound disapprovingly._

" _You get bullied because you're like this!'_

_He would've cried then, but he tried to be brave for Tatsuya. Hideyuki was quickly wiping away the tears that were forming in the corner of his bright blue eyes._

_*sniff*_

" _I'm s-sorry Tatsuya… I-I didn't mean to t-trouble you."_

_Seeing him cry was one of Tatsuya's secret weaknesses, his expression and voice softened as he bent down a little to put a hand on Hideyuki's shoulders._

" _It's ok, besides it's my job to protect you, also my older brother can easily defeat those guys!"_

_Hideyuki giggled as Tatsuya pretended to be his older brother and was punching the air, and after that he pretended to be those guys—lying cold in the floor with his tongue flopping out from his mouth._

" _See?" Tatsuya grinned, standing right back up._

" _But aren't those your friends, Tatsuya?"_

" _They're not my only friends, y'know." He shrugged his shoulders simply. "I have other friends to hang out with during playtime."_

_Hideyuki's eyes sparkled with admiration. Tatsuya must have been the most cool and popular kid in school if he had that many friends! He couldn't believe he was friends with someone like him!_

" _Tatsuya, you know you're my only friend! Promise to always be friends forever!"_

_Tatsuya smiled and ruffled Hideyuki's hair._

" _Promise, but first promise me you won't pee in your pants ever again!"_

Hideyuki remembered how that voice comforted all his worries and hurt away and make him believe that whatever he said was true—that he will always be protected by him, and be friends forever… He hesitatingly turned around, his eyes hovering in the rise and fall of Tatsuya's chest.

_To look at him means that he wins…_

_I'm struggling so much over an insignificant thing like this, I bet Tatsuya thinks—_

"Here, I'll give this back to you. You can call the police on me for attempted robbery."

Tatsuya's laugh sounded airy, like he was straining himself to laugh and it hurt.

Hideyuki didn't budge, he still didn't look up to those familiar, pleasant hazel eyes.

_How can you still joke around me?_

_Why am I not laughing with you?_

_Is it you? Is it me?_

The violent winds of the storm whipped rain under the shade of the walkways, stealing heat from their bodies. Had it not been for the jacket, Hideyuki would have been shivering from the physical coldness. Regardless, he would still shiver.

Tatsuya reached out for his icy fingers, and held onto them. He transferred his heat like a glowing fireplace and wrapped his hands gently around Hideyuki's. Cupped in his hands were his phone.

They stayed like that for a while, until Hideyuki thought his hands must have sapped all the heat from Tatsuya, his scent rubbing over him. Just when he was about to look up, Tatsuya let go of his hands.

"I'll be late for a seminar," was what he said, his back facing him.

He waved behind him and proceeded to walk away. His white long-sleeved collar shirt was soaked with the freezing rain.

Hideyuki's heart was racing madly, he didn't care that he felt faint and sick, and that his nurse will scold him for being reckless again. He opened his mouth and cried out the first thing in his mind:

"T-Tatsuya! W-Will we talk again?"

The storm abruptly slowed down around them. The ashen clouds heavy with condensed water rolled over to let the sunlight shine through, illuminating the water drops over the campus, and making it look like they were sparkling.

Both of them noticed this drastic change, and they stopped to observe the breathtaking view of a rainbow arching over the horizon. Hideyuki's eyes fluttered, the sudden brightness jarring. He suddenly heard Tatsuya laugh: full and ecstatic.

"We'll have coffee over my place some other time. Look through your contacts! I can't wait to be working with you Hideyuki!"

" _Eh?"_

He didn't have enough time to reply to him as Tatsuya left through the double doors leading inside the lecture halls, the metals doors swinging shut.

_What did he mean he can't wait…?_

Hideyuki unlocked his phone with his pin number, and looked though his barren contacts folder. He immediately stopped at the new contact listed:

**MR. MORIYA**

**(009) 001-002**

_**My Assistant Professor** _

" _My assistant professor… What?"_

He closed his phone and promptly set his course to the school clinic. One thing was for sure is that he needed to have rest, and have an extra dosage of his head medication if his nurse allowed it.

_I can't believe him, what is he thinking?_

As he walked through the usual path, he noticed that his steps had become considerably lighter that he felt like leaping. When he made sure that nobody was around, he did leapt into the air as happiness he'd been suppressing spread across him, laughter bubbling up from his lips. Perhaps he should feel odd, or at least a little reluctant to feel this way, but just as the sun surely rises, he felt that he could feel—even for just a quick moment—optimistic about this opportunity. He didn't know what obstacles or trials that may lie before him, but if it was a future with Tatsuya in it he was sure that the rest didn't matter.

When he arrived at the clinic, his nurse noted his unusually gleeful state, despite the miserable storm that had just passed through.

"Well don't leave me hanging! Tell me what happened!" His nurse urged, pulling his medications from the fridge and setting them up on a tray like she always did.

Hideyuki, still feeling exhilarated, smiled at her and vaguely said:

" _I took a picture of the storm, and it was beautiful."_


End file.
